I always have things to write about on my blog here, but I rarely seem to write them. It's pure laziness, I suppose.

Last night, I talked to my best friend (since kindergarten) about our sex lives.. or rather, sex drives as I haven't a sex life to speak of these days. We talked about erotic literature and the rise in our sex drives as we get older. We talked about PORN. Oh my!

And she mentioned, in hushed tones, about someone she knew of being a submissive. No, she called it a "subordinate" which was sort of cute, and I realized something very shocking to me. I am a FREAK.

Which is to say I feel comfortable with myself as a sexual being, and have explored aspects of that over the years. It's all about being a survivor of sexual abuse, I think. I've spent many years dealing with that, and a lot of dealing with that is learning to separate sex and the whims of your libido and the reactions of your body from feelings of shame. As a result, I have those fun party moments where, when I'm talking to people about... oh.. my favorite subect, psychology, and among cures for depression, I say "regular sexual release" and everyone gets quiet and looks at me as if they've swallowed something unsavory.

Or, I almost say to my best friend over the phone "Yeah, I'm more of a switch, myself. Sometimes I like to top, sometimes I like to bottom." Or that I'm thinking of saving up the 89 dollars for the really nice vibrator at the sex toystore I linked her to.

K, sweety, we should talk.